I just got off the phone with my Mom

and she was trying to get me to explain to her how to cut and paste my amazon wishlist onto a Word Document so she could you know print it out and then travel from shopping mall to shopping mall buying the items on it for me. I asked her if she perhaps thought of just buying them directly from amazon and well not having to leave her house or deal with the general public during the commercial chaos and she said "I guess but don't you have to sign up for an account?". Wow. A three minute process or 3 shopping malls, 2.4 gallons of gas and 5.2 hours standing in line. You make the call. But I guess it's a generational thing. And I know that one day when she's gone I will miss her funny, old fashioned way of thinking. And I'll miss the way she says you should take something out of the freezer to "unthaw" it. And how she drinks and prefers boxed wine, with an ice cube nonetheless. And that she talks too loudly so much so that when I'm on the phone with her, I cover my ear with my hair. And how she loves looking through catalogs as much as I do and saves hers for me with things she thinks I might like circled in them, usually something I would never wear but the thought is sweet anyway. And how she wears the lipstick on her lower lip not completely filled in because she thinks we can't tell how big her lip is without any lipstick. And how she can always tell when I'm lying when she asks how I'm doing and I just say okay and then she says well get some rest. If I rested as much as she told me to I'd have bed sores. It's hard to see your parents age and I can only imagine how difficult it will be to let them go.

Answer without fear

35 questions from Vanity Fair you're supposed to answer them without fearing what your 3 readers will think. Here goes yo!

1 What is your idea of perfect happiness? Being loved deeply and loving deeply, feeling accepted for who I am. Feeling connected and one with everyone and every thing. Oh and George Clooney kissing my neck and maybe biting it a little. Come on people you had to see that one coming.
2. What is your greatest fear? My husband dying. George W. Bush amending the constitution so that he can serve another term in office. But I'd happily vote for him if it meant my husband would outlive me.
3. Which living person do you most admire? Anyone living their very BEST LIFE
4. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Hopelessness
5. What is the trait you most deplore in others? Judgement
6. What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Chastity
7. On what occasion do you lie? When it serves me. Boy that sounds bad doesn't it?
8. What do you dislike most about your appearance? The way that I carry my weight, in my belly and my thighs, thinking about it nauseates me. Oh and my saggy boobs. Boob job for my 40th birthday!
9. What is your greatest regret? Not slutting it up in high school and college. I mean not praying more. Yes that's it!
10. What or who is the greatest love of your life? My husband, without a doubt.
11. Which talent would you most like to have? Psychic ability and to be able to dance.
12. What is your current state of mind? Slightly drunk with a dash of low level depression and a sprinkling of worry
13. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would take more risks.
14. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Not letting the depression win.
15. If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? Umm the first thing I thought of was a urinal. I wonder what Freud would say about that!
16. What is your most treasured possession? My photo albums and love letters from my man.
17. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Feeling helpless and trapped
18. Where would you like to live? At the beach, with my bedroom facing the ocean so that I could remember every single day that I am just a small part of a big, big world.
19. What is your most marked characteristic?Sarcasm, Perseverance, Stalkernish, Cheerleader? It's a tough call
20. Who are your favorite writers? Wally Lamb, Khaled Hosseini, there are many.
21. Who is your favorite hero of fiction? yo momma.
22. Who are your heroes in real life?People who do what needs to be done without ever wanting or needing any recognition for their selflessness and sacrifice.
23. What is it that you most dislike? Ignorance, Hatred
24. What is your motto?“Be the change you want to see in the world”
25. Favorite Journey? Life.
26. What do you value most in your friends? Raw vulnerability, ability to cut to the chase, sense of humor, reliability, to be physically affectionate with me
27. Which words or phrases do you must overuse? Dude, Yo, Absolutely, Make it a double.
28. Which historical figure do you most identify with? I wish I could say someone like Joan of Arc or Harriet Tubman but when I am honest the woman that comes to mind is Mae West. Dirty mouthed, curvy, demanding bitch. Oh yeah
29. What is your greatest extravagance? Vacations though my husband would say my buying gifts for people
30. If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be? That they would be more accepting and affectionate with me and each other.
31. What is your favorite occupation? Philanthropist or Psychic
32. What is the quality you most like in a woman? Openness
33. What is the quality you most like in a man? Openness
34. How would you like to die? Quickly and painlessly right after a delicious meal, a few cocktails and some H.O.T. sex.
35. If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be? A Yogi. That sounds so strange but it's the first thing that came to mind.

10 mostly silly things I CANNOT live without

10. COLD Calistoga Sparkling Water, essence of lime.
9. my hair clip. my saviour of bad hair days. I bow to you in all your infinite power.
8. my listerine breath spray. i.am.addicted. i'm sure there is a support group. one spray on the tongue, one spray under the tongue.
7. my cell phone. specifically the ability to text message.
6. TIVO. the closest I come to participating in an organized religion.
5.my tiny but BRIGHT keyring flashlight.
4. my pajamas. specifically my favorite mismatched pair that I've had for several years.
3. the rocking chair on our front porch. go ahead call me an old lady. i will snicker at you from the porch.
2. magazines. i'm a whore for concise snippets of information. sue me.
1. aveeno oatmeal shaving cream. it rocks the free world and leaves my sensitive skin smooth annd rash free.

the company party

is coming up in a few weeks. oh why do I wait til 23 days before the party to :

A. Start stressing about what to wear
B. Start stressing about how f'ing fat I am
C. Start stressing about how there is nothing to wear for fatties that isn't either completely inappropriate (read strapless) or completely like something Mrs. Roper would wear.

You'd think after 8 years at the same company at the same lavish parties I would ummm plan a little bit in advance. yo. And really who cares. I mean truly. These people have seen me in my pajamas. Most of them have seen me sobbing, snot running down my face. A few have held my hair back while I pray to the porcelain gods. Is a formal dress and a nice pair of shoes really going to distract them from the images they already have of me? Probably not. Does this stop me from stressing about it. Absolutely not.

a day with my dad

I spent most of Friday with my Dad. I think it was the first time in my adult life that he and I have gone on a little adventure together. I have been interested in going to this exhibit "Body Worlds 2" at The Tech Museum, it's real human bodies that have been plasticized so that you're not just seeing the skeleton but all of the muscles and organs and EVERYTHING. It was amazing and frankly terrifying that more doesn't go wrong with this vessel I'm borrowing. I recommend checking the exhibit out and if you have kids older than ten I recommend taking them. I think it is an incredible teaching moment as a parent. There is basic anatomy of course but then lots of examples of healthy lungs vs. smokers lungs and healthy liver vs. alcoholics liver. My Dad and I spent about 3 hours wandering through the exhibit and examining every single part of the human body.

Then after seeing the abuse we're currently inflicting on our bodies we decided it called for a drink! We headed over to the bar at The Fairmont into this old school leather seats and lots of wood trim type bar. We ordered a few drinks (and my Dad did stop me when I ordered a Makers Manhattan to tell me that Makers is WHISKEY - ummmm yeah Dad I know. Poor guy was hoping I'd order a shirley temple, hey my drink had a cherry). We lounged at the bar and my Dad told me some war stories, which is VERY rare. We talked briefly about the idea of possibly going to Vietnam to visit the place he was stationed during the war and what that might be like.

It was an incredible day, it was a gift really.

I know it's cheating

to back date my posts...I'm going to do it anyway! Because I'm a rebel Dotty!

I still haven't started to really decorate our new house. It's strange for me. Usually within a few weeks I've hung pictures and unpacked the 12 boxes of various decorating stuff I own. But I just haven't been in the mood. At all. Which is sad because this place hasn't really begun to feel like home and we've been here nearly 3 months now.

I know part of it is that we have been homeowners for nearly 7 years and now we are back in the rental game. But still whether we rent or own I think it's important for the place you live to be your sanctuary.

A great night

I want to have a baby if in fact I can be guaranteed that he will turn out just like the 4 year old I hung out with tonight. Seriously my poor husband got an earful as I recalled nearly every magical moment spent with this child. This little boy is honestly the kindest most thoughtful child I've ever met.

But there are no guarantees in life. He could turn out like this adorable child or he could be a serial killer or even worse a REPUBLICAN. It's tough to say.

I have been spending a lot more time around babies and kids lately and while I truly enjoy the experience I just don't know if I could do it full time and remain engaged in the role of mother. I am inspired by the parents I know and the amazing lengths they go to to give their children a good and loving place to grow.

I am looking forward to a nice long weekend, it has been a busy week full of work and lots of social activity!